Christmas the celebration of the birth of Jesus. I am grateful that the creator of the known universe had pity on me and drew me to Himself and His Son Jesus. I recall the day I chose to put my life in His hands convinced that He would be responsible for my future. The night before driving to the store in Haleiwa on the North Shore of Oahu. Under the influence of alcohol and mescaline along with heroine nearly having a head on collision with another car. We got there and back with no issues. The next day friends in my neighborhood told me the cops were looking for someone like me. Then later in the night visiting with a group of friends at someone's home listened to a man talking about Jesus I made that decision to put my life and my future in God's hands. Knowing He would be responsible for me.
At that moment I said that I wanted to be baptized in water, with two others we went to Waimea Bay and were baptized. After that my life would never be as before.
Psalm 40:2-3  He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
    and put their trust in him.

Reflections on my life

 Reflections on how God has been with me during my life from the earliest days when as a child coloring a picture of the Virgin Mary in her glory. Hearing my name called out loud and me racing to the other side of the house to see my mother who informed me that she had not called me. Me returning to my room to continue coloring in the coloring book and again hearing my name called and again racing to my mother and she again saying she had not called me. Later in life after being born again and reading the story of Samuel in 1 Samuel 3. A story of Samuel hearing his name and Samuel running to Eli a prophet in Israel and Eli after numerous occasions informed Samuel that the next time he heard his name called to respond " And the Lord came and stood, and called as at other times, "Samuel, Samuel." Then Samuel answered , "Speak, for Thy servant heareth." I used to wonder what my life would have been like if my mother had had a relationship with God or even had read the bible.
 Today at the age of 67 I can look back and see how God was in my life even when I had no idea of His existence or His concern for me. There are many instances where I felt the tug on my heart to seek out God, once after moving to Fort Worth Tx., with my family in the late 60s that I saw a tent meeting and heard the singing and felt a great tug to go down to see what was happening but was drawn away by a friend I was with. 
As I reflect I can see why after I was married and later found out I had a low sperm count and couldn't produce children did I understand that God was at work in this too. After learning from a revelation by God that my mother had molested me during my childhood did I realise that He was cutting off the traits bestowed upon me from my mother because of her molestation of me. After having dreams of being molested in the crib as a baby and later in my childhood did these times became disturbing to me. As I conferred with my pastor about this he knew I was going home to visit and suggested I ask " was I sexually active in my childhood", to not only my mother but father and brother. 
 When during the trip home with my father-in-law on his 40' motor home with my wife which his wife insisted that we take, after I had learned that she had lied to my wife and I about Ralph my wife's father was dying of emphysema and only had 2 yrs to live, but insisted that we not discuss with him.
 One time when in a motor home park Ralph was in the next coach with a single woman and my wife at the time suddenly wanted to have intercourse. I had a suspicion that something about this occasion was not right I refused, later after returning to Tustin, Ca., after the trip and riding in the back seat of the car with Ralph driving and my wife in the passenger seat, she reached over with her left hand and placed it upon Ralph's right thigh, something I had seen my dad do to my mother. Shocked I said nothing because to me this was a sign that something inappropriate had happened between my wife and her dad. No time ever had I witnessed this type of behaviour between a father and daughter.
 This is the first time I've shared this. Reflecting on her relatives I suspected that incest was a unspoken action in this family. These actions and the answer to my question "was I sexually active in my childhood" was answered by my mother when she said "your father isn't like that" and two other statements which I forgot. With this information I was later able to forgive her, considering that she too had probably been molested in her youth. 
 Learning to forgive is the best one can do for them selves in that forgiveness removes the burden of hate, revenge, loathing of a person and enables God to forgive me. As stated in the "Our Father prayer, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors", until we forgive and only then can we receive freedom and God's forgiveness. This is a key factor in my life instilled by and through reading the Bible. 

New times

After stopping the Hep C meds it seems I now have neurophy-which makes wonder if this was caused by the medication. I will look into it later. I've spoken with my brother who lives in N.Ca and his desire to ride the train to Oregon, but I dismissed the idea until I saw a program on some channel about trains and the rides availible. One in perticular was a train ride through Denali - Although the thought is interesting maybe not yet. My main situation is to ride a train closet to Rohnert,Ca. in order to hook up with my brother and then on to Oregon and Seattle. There for some site seeing. This is the thought but one thing where to put my cat. Having her stay at the vet is about $35 a day. I'm considering asking the manager if she knows about someone her that may look in on her, change the water and feed her while I'm gone. We'll see. As a kid I used to ride the train from Troup Texas to Detroit to visit with my mother's mother and family and my dads's family. I remember going to New York when about 11 yrs old or around that age where my grandfather came to pick me up. Outside the entry way was filled with yellow cabs, seems there were at least 50 or so. For some reason this sticks in my thoughts and also being at his home. He drove a school bus, and his house was on a river in New Jersey in a town named Hackensack. The water was cold and clear, and when trains would come by on the other side of the river you couldn't figure out which direction it was coming from for all the trees. Also there was a guy who saved old vinyl records there where stacks and I mean stacks. Great summer adventure there and the train ride was great. So I'm looking into the situation and checking it twice to see how it's all gonna come together.

Poland by Michener my heritage

While reading about Poland by James Michener I have become interested about my grandmother Jenina Papulski. When did she come to America and who was she married to and what happened to him, did he stay in Poland?! My mother had a older brother Zegmund Papulski, but no information about their father. Although I am checking my curiosity grows. To read about the history of Poland and the continuous plight it suffered by it's neighboring countries makes me wonder how it lasted, only through the resolve of some of its leaders to have a 'free' Poland. A pastor once mentioned that our heritage was safe guarded by God in order that we might exist today. To think about the hardship and the wars that occurred in Poland and the deliverance which brought my grandmother to America is astounding, also the consideration that my fathers side was from Germany and the turmoil that existed between Poland and Germany not only in the second world war but previous issues that occurred makes me thankful to the only true God, that His hand was in the formation of my life and the lives of my ancestors.

Checking out the transition of this blog into Google's new standard, hopefully it will I'd hate to loose all. Making sure of TXU bill, which Encore is apart of it. Needing to watch out payments, another year of paying for the car, I'll be glad when that's over.

Can't follow the instructions for linking current blog to the new an unmigrated legacy Blogger account, but for now it seems to be working will continue to figure it out. Feeling a lot better after quitting the meds and saving money for blood work.

off meds

In order to obtain a perscription which cost $2500, I've come off my Hep C meds. In order to gain some strength. Should try for dr's office this coming week and blood work.